


His Dreams Of Memories

by bisexual_catastrophe



Category: The Witcher (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Flashbacks, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, referenced character death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-27
Updated: 2020-10-27
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:07:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 20
Words: 14,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27226270
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bisexual_catastrophe/pseuds/bisexual_catastrophe
Summary: Modern!AUJulian Pankratz lives the same life as everyone else, completely normal. He has two jobs that keep him on his toes and friends that support him in every way possible. Everything is normal-Until he woke up from a dream that seemed too realistic to not be real. Monsters, contracts, and someone named Geralt started to invade his thoughts. It made him question reality, and even his own sanity.He went to multiple people, asking what to do about it, but they all said the same thing: the dreams he had every night were his past. But everything that occurred in them couldn't be real... could they?
Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia & Lambert, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia & Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion
Comments: 2
Kudos: 48





	1. Chapter 1

"If life could give me one blessing, it would be to take you off my hands!" The bard flinched at his companion's words. All he could do was part his lips and frown as the Witcher turned around.

"Right..." Jaskier looked down at the rock he stood on, tears were on the brink of falling from his azure eyes, something that didn't happen too often. "I'll... I'll get the story from the others." He bit down on his bottom lip, "see you around, Geralt."

The Witcher and bard have had small quarrels before. Small fights over inns, contracts, or the bard not doing what he was told. But this was their biggest yet.

Jaskier gathered his things back at the camp, not bothering to speak to anyone. For once, he didn't have anything to say. Each glance or overall look was ignored, he didn't have time to say anything.

Geralt wanted him gone, so he was to do so, even if he himself didn't want to.  
  
-

Julian's eyes fluttered open, the sunlight shining through his curtains and hitting him directly in his eyes was quite the wake-up call.

A loud groan escaped his lips. The striking hour of eight am wasn't his plan to rise and start the day.

The phone on his nightstand buzzed, revealing thousands of notifications: emails, calls, and texts. Most were from the same person, while the others were reminders and random numbers.

But that wasn't his primary goal at this lovely hour. No, a wonderful cup of coffee was always his first priority. It always helped him wake up.

_"If life could give me one blessing, it would be to take you off my hands!"_

Julian used his arms to push off his bed. A series of POPS! echoed through the bedroom as he stretched. His lips formed a frown when the man's gruff voice filled his head.

This was a strange dream and his first. The scenery was medieval, monsters roamed around the land, and he was a bard. A bard! He was in the company of what people thought was a monster:

"Geralt..." Julian stared at the Keurig as it groaned, heating the water up. A silver-haired man with blazing gold eyes that lit up like flames in a fire. People called him a Witcher, someone who fought monsters for coin. And he was the man's companion... no- _Jaskier_ was the man's companion.

But he didn't see Jaskier in his dream. No, people looked at Julian and called him Jaskier.

Julian snorted and shook his head, dismissing the silly though. "Just a dream," he reminded himself. Though it all seemed too real to be one.

Low buzzing from the coffee maker turned Julian's attention away from his thoughts. Perhaps his mind was simply tired and needed a bit of energy.

He had a long day ahead of him, and thoughts over reality couldn't fit into his schedule. _Just a dream..._


	2. Chapter 2

_Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit-_ Julian pushed through the crowd of businessmen and women on the crosswalk, mumbling his apologies along the way.

One of the strings of messages he had received earlier that morning was from his boss. A co-worker has the flu, and only Julian could take his shift. The brunette was currently twenty minutes late.

There's one fact that everyone knows: Julian Alfred Pankratz was everything but late.

"Mister Pankratz, glad you could join us." His boss boomed from behind the counter. "You're late. _Very late_."

Julian licked his lips and rushed behind the counter, pulling his apron over his head. "My deepest apologies, Charlie. Something kept me in bed, and I only woke up thirty minutes ago." He went straight to the nearest empty register and quickly applied hand sanitizer. "What can I get you, sir?"

The brown-haired man in front of him rubbed his chin where very little facial hair grew. "Caramel Macchiato, medium." Julian wrote down his order on a cup and waited for the name. "Lambert."

The brunette froze, his hand that held the pen began to shake. He knew that name... from- no... "R-Right..." Julian shook his head at the thoughts forming in his mind. "That'll be $4.95."

Lambert raised an eyebrow. He had seen the other brunette's reaction to his name but decided not to push it. "Keep the change, kid." After putting a five on the counter, he left to stand behind everyone else.

"Are you sure it wasn't someone that kept you from getting out of bed?" A co-worker of his, Jonathan, asked with a smirk.

Charlie smacked the blonde with a cloth. "Leave him alone and do your job. We're always busy at this hour and insulting Julian isn't helping at all."

The brunette had never liked the blonde. Over a year or so ago, the staff at their café had a party, and Jonathan had gotten extremely wasted. The bastard nearly raped Julian and lost his job in the process. Only Charlie, Jonathan, and of course, Julian knew about the situation. He was suspended for a week, his defense being he was under influence. Now, every opportunity that became available, the blonde targeted the brunette. 

"Lambert!" Julian called, ignoring his thoughts on his dreams. "Your medium Caramel Macchiato, sir." He tried for his best smile.

The other brunette smiled. "Thanks, _Julian_." He left the barista standing with an open mouth, his name tag wasn't on his uniform, and he sure as _hell_ hadn't shared his name.

Julian leaned on the counter, watching Lambert leave the building, meeting a man with _silver hai-_

"Pankratz! We have more customers, let's go!" Charlie barked, snapping the brunette back to reality.

"Sorry, Charlie," Julian mumbled, going back to the cash register and continuing his job.


	3. Chapter 3

_Traveling alone wasn't Jaskier's favorite thing, it hadn't been for such a long time. But he had just lost his companion- no, his best friend, and dare he say the man he loved. It was making him feel empty like he no longer existed._

_Then there was the fact that he couldn't do most things on his own. Geralt was there for many things: monsters, a warm fire, and protection against the waking world. And now... Jaskier faced it on his own, with a mere dagger and his lute._

_"Oi, are ye a bard?" The innkeeper asked before Jaskier could drop a bag of coin onto the counter. Jaskier licked his dry lips and nodded slowly. "If ye play at the tavern 'cross town, ye can forget the bag of coins. Yer songs can be yer payment."_

_Jaskier held back a tired sigh. He wasn't in the mood to sing much, but a free room for some songs was promising._

_The innkeeper took note of his hesitation. "I'll throw in a free bath while yer at it," that perked the bard's interest. "Final offer, bard."_

_"Very well," the bard smiled lightly. "Hope you don't mind the bath coming first, it's been a long journey." The innkeeper tossed a key in his direction before ushering him off. "Thank you, good sir, I won't be long!"_   
  


-

Julian opened his eyes. A shiver ran down his spine, the water had grown cold.

"Fan-fucking-tastic," he mumbled. A perfect lavender-scented bath ruined just because he fell asleep. And the bloody dreams had to do it all! "Stupid dreams..."  
  


-

_"What to play, what to play..." Jaskier asked himself while walking to the middle of the bar. Several ideas popped into his head, but they all had to do with Geralt... the damned man._

_Oh. Oh... "Geralt." Jaskier knew the Witcher was one of the keys to earning coins. Singing of his praises and their adventures together- but there was one song that he hadn't shared yet- something that had to do with the Witcher, and it didn't quite praise him. No, not at all._

_"Whatcha got for us, bard?" A man called from the audience. There were murmurs of the same question, it was a stupid question, but people asked anyway._

_Jaskier settled his lute against his chest and placed one hand on the neck, then the other on the strings. "It's not the happiest song, I can tell you all that much, but it's something I have yet to try."_

_The man raised his glass. "As long as you got one!" Everyone raised their glasses in agreement. That was good enough for the bard._

_"The fairer sex, they often call it_   
_But her love's as unfair as a crook_   
_It steals all my reason_   
_Commits every treason_   
_Of logic, with naught but a look_

_A storm breaking on the horizon_   
_Of longing and heartache and lust_   
_She's always bad news_   
_It's always lose, lose_   
_So tell me, love, tell me, love_   
_How is that just?_

_But the story is this_   
_She'll destroy with her sweet kiss_   
_Her sweet kiss_   
_But the story is this_   
_She'll destroy with her sweet kiss_

_Her current is pulling you closer_   
_And charging the hot, humid night_   
_The red sky at dawn is giving a warning, you fool_   
_Better stay out of sight_

_I'm weak my love, and I am wanting_   
_If this is the path I must trudge_   
_I welcome my sentence_   
_Give to you my penance_   
_Garrotter, jury, and judge_

_But the story is this_   
_She'll destroy with her sweet kiss_   
_Her sweet kiss_   
_The story is this_   
_She'll destroy with her sweet kiss_

_But the story is this_   
_She'll destroy with her sweet kiss_   
_Her sweet kiss_   
_But the story is this_   
_She'll destroy with her sweet kiss_   
_The story is this_   
_She'll destroy with her sweet kiss..."_

_Jaskier sighed, removing one hand from his lute to brush away the tear that had fallen. His azure eyes scanned the audience, watching their faces twitch in confusion._

_Slow clapping erupted from the back, causing everyone else to do the same._

_The bard smiled and bowed, trying to find the individual who started it all. But the smile faltered when he met two pairs of burning gold eyes._   
  


-

"Lambert-" Julian gasped and shot up out of bed, his chest falling and rising at an unhealthy speed. "Oh god..." He put his head in his hands, whispering to himself over and over to ignore it all.


	4. Chapter 4

Most bars would be closed at two am, it was quite an ungodly hour and people need and want their sleep. Luckily for Julian, he happens to be best friends with a bard owner who stays up at ungodly hours for people that needed a drink.

"I'm going mad, Damien!" Julian moaned, dropping his head onto the bar counter. He poked at the whiskey glass in front of him, it was his third so far. "Put me in a psych ward before this becomes worse!"

The bartender rolled his eyes. "You're overreacting, Jules." He stopped when the brunette raised an eyebrow. "Okay, probably the wrong thing to say to a drama queen, my apologies."

Julian took the glass into his hands and tipped his head back to finish the rest. "I-I mean, you don't see people from your dreams in real life, and vise versa." His azure eyes widened. "Do you?"

_"You're drunk, Jaskier." The bard rolled his eyes and shakily stood from his stool, ignoring him entirely. "I can't imagine the headache you're going to have tomorrow."_

"Jules? Julian? Julian Alfred Pankratz!" That got the brunette's attention. "You zoned out, you should probably stop drinking. I can't imagine the headache you're going to have tomorrow." Damien set a glass of water and four ibuprofen in front of his friend. "Need a ride home?"

Julian blinked, then shook his head., quickly taking the pills before sliding out of his stool. "Called an Uber, I'll be fine." His usual happy, dramatic, sarcastic voice had dropped to a whisper. "Goodnight, Damien."

_"Leave me alone, Lambert," Jaskier growled. He wasn't quite drunk like the Witcher had said, but he wasn't_ _completely sober_ _either._

 _Lambert sighed. "Can't. Need to talk to you." Sarcasm was one of the things the Witcher loved to use most, but it wasn't in his tone. "Serious shit, Jaskier, so I need you_ _... more sober than this_ _."_ _He gestured with his hands to the bard's entire body._

_The innkeeper watched the two anxiously from behind the counter. He was lucky that they were heading away, it looked like the two were about to fight, but he didn't know that Jaskier wasn't big on throwing punches._

_"What about?" Jaskier fumbled with the key before kicking his door open, placing his lute against a chair and the key on top of a table. "If it's about-"_

_"Geralt." Lambert finished with a nod. "It's about him. Him and you to be exact." The Witcher took a seat at the table, first putting his swords against the wall. This was going to be a long talk._   
  


"Hey, kid, we're here." The Uber tapped Julian's leg. "That'll be $6.50 please." He held his hand out impatiently, not wanting to deal with a drunk any longer, or someone who was asleep the entire ride.

Julian mumbled a 'sorry' then gave him a five and two ones. "Keep the change, sir. I don't need it." A yawn left his lips as he stepped out of the car, stretching his arms to the sky while watching the Mustang drive away.

If he was completely honest, he didn't want to go to bed. The dreams or whatever the hell they are have started doing something to his brain, that's his theory so far. Lambert, the silver-haired man, the bard Jaskier- none of them exist. They're all just dreams.


	5. Chapter 5

Alarms. Who the hell decided they would be a good thing in this world? Some crackhead must've thought a rooster and the sun wasn't annoying enough.

Julian opened one eye, staring at his phone's screen. The orange snooze button looked nice, but it would only set a timer for ten minutes leading to the xylophone playing once more. The stop button was his only option.

"Gods..." He groaned, stretching until his knuckles brushed against the wall. Wait- " 'Gods'?" Julian frowned at his own wording, as far as he knew, only one God existed. "The fuck..." he ran his fingers through his chestnut locks, blaming his wording on the mind-splitting headache he had.

No matter, coffee was the most important thing at the moment, as was as many tablets of ibuprofen he could take. He hated when his friend was right, it usually leads to making the bartender's head bigger, and making him more of a smart ass.

Julian picked up his phone, immediately turning down the brightness to his liking. As usual, there was a string of messages and emails, along with a few calls and voicemails.

Most of the notifications were junk. Unknown numbers asking about him, most likely family that he hadn't talked to in years- his father. Then there were emails from an old friend about his music career...

"He never listens," Julian mumbled, deleting the emails. What part of 'no' did he not understand?

BANG BANG BANG BANG

Julian flinched at each sound. Drinking all that whiskey had turned out to be a terrible idea.

BANG BANG BA-

"Stop banging on the door!" Julian shouted, hating the sound of his own voice. So loud... why couldn't people be quieter? "Give me a moment and I'll be over!"

This wasn't his worst hangover, but it was a bad one. There was one night when his boyfriend left him over a female stripper- now that night was filled with multiple beer bottles and whiskey glasses. He stayed in bed the whole day, after making sure his room was pitch black.

"Ah, thank you for answering your door, sir!" A young girl with white hair stood at the door, dressed in a Girl Scout's outfit. She wore a large, toothy grin on her face. "Would you like any Girl Scout cookies?"

_"Cirilla..." Jaskier looked at the little girl with a frown. "Where did you put my lute?"_

_The eight-year-old only giggled and started to run around the inn's room._ _**(Note: Yes, Ciri is eleven to twelve in the Netflix adaptation, but I just wanted to make her younger, for the sake of this fic, so please don't comment asking or criticizing it.)** _

_Jaskier scowled and put his head in his hands, flopping down onto the bed. She expected him to chase her- but he had a performance and wasn't in the mood for playtime. He can't go in empty-handed, what's a bard without their instrument?_

_Cirilla's giggling ceased when the door opened. She stopped running around and moved to the floor instead, going to play with a loose nail on the floorboard._

_"Jask, shouldn't you be at the tavern?" A gruff voice asked from the doorway. "The innkeeper's getting impatient."_

_The bard nodded and stood up from the bed. "I should, yes. But Cirilla has hidden my lute from me." He looked up with pleading eyes. "Please tell her to find it, we need the money, Geralt."_

_The Witcher pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. "Ciri, give Jaskier his lute unless you_ _'d rather go without eating tonight_ _." The innkeeper promised a free room, but not free food._

_Cirilla puffed her cheeks out but nodded. She scurried over to the bed and crouched down, reaching under to pull out the bard's lute._

_"Gods, you put her under the bed?" Jaskier took his instrument from the eight-year-old, clear shock written on his expression. "You wound me, Cirilla."_

_Geralt rolled his eyes, "she's only a child. Ciri, apologize." She mumbled a sorry and hugged the bard. "What're you playing?"_

_The bard shrugged. "Whatever comes to mind, darling." He walked over to the door and kissed Geralt's jaw. "I'll be back soon."_

"Mister? Are you alright?" The white-haired girl frowned. Her green eyes shined with worry. "I have some water if you need some-"

Julian shook his head. "It's quite alright, I've had a rough night." His tired azure eyes proved his statement. "I don't usually get cookies... but I'll take a box of Samoas."

The girl's grin came back. "Thank you, mister!" She reaches down and grabbed a box from her red wagon. "Six dollars please!"

"Let me grab my wallet," Julian walked away from the door to his island and picked up a leather wallet from the counter, taking out a five and a one. He ignored the vision or daydream he just experienced. Geralt and now Cirilla, or Ciri. "Sorry to keep you waiting..."

The girl took the money and exchanged it for the box. "It's alright, mister. My mom doesn't mind... I don't think..."

"Cirilla!" A raven-haired woman walked out of the elevator, pocketing her phone. "Sweetheart, we gotta go meet with your father."

Julian's mouth parted. _Cirilla... just like the-_ "Thanks for the cookies, kiddo." He mumbled before going back into his apartment, quickly shutting the door before something else could happen.  
  


"Mommy, are you okay?" Cirilla dragged her wagon back to the elevator, holding her mother's hand.

The woman had a ghostly expression on her face. "I-I'm... yes, sweetie, don't worry about it." She looked back at the man's apartment, reading the number on his door. _Found you._


	6. Chapter 6

"The fairest sex they often call it..." Julian found himself singing that song a lot. So, to get it out of his head, he decided to write down the lyrics and music onto a music sheet. That would get it out of his head, right?

"But her love's as unfair as a crook..." Going over the lyrics was strange for him. Jaskier sang about Geralt in this, despite the pronouns. "It steals all my reason, commits every treason of logic, with naught but a look..."

The bar grew quiet, and everyone stared at the brunette. Julian didn't notice, of course, the song had put a cloud around him, blocking everything and everyone out. At the moment, he wasn't aware that he was in a bar- or around people either.

"A storm breaking on the horizon... of longing, and heartache, and lust. She's always bad news- it's always lose, lose. So tell me, love, tell me, love, how is that just?" Julian wrote down the notes and lyrics before going back to his guitar.

"But the story is this, she'll destroy with her sweet kiss, her sweet kiss." He closed his eyes, his conscious imagining Geralt was in front of him. "The story is this, she'll destroy with her sweet kiss, her sweet kiss."

Damien set his friend's new glass down, watching a tear stream down his cheek. What was pulling him away from the world?

Julian opened his eyes and let out a shaky sigh. "Her current is pulling you closer, charging the hot, humid night. The red sky at dawn is giving a warning, you fool, better stay out of sight!" His voice began to break as his mind wrapped around the painful events that had happened in his dreams. _The mountain, seeing Lambert at the tavern..._

"I'm weak my love, and I am wanting. If this is the path I must trudge- I welcome my sentence, give you my penance- Garrotter, jury, and judge!

"But the story is this, she'll destroy with her sweet kiss, her sweet kiss, oh... but the story is this, she'll destroy with her sweet kiss..." he closed his eyes again, seeing Geralt with a raven-haired woman. "But the story is this, she'll destroy with her sweet kiss. But the story is this, she'll destroy with her sweet kiss, her sweet kiss. But the story is this, she'll destroy with her sweet kiss, her sweet kiss. The story is this, she'll destroy with her sweet kiss..." the last tear dropped onto the acoustic guitar.

Clapping and hoots snapped Julian back to reality. He quickly dried his tears and smiled, waving a hand around hoping they would drop it. But instead of doing so, some people stood up and dropped some money onto the counter for him.

"Goddamn, Jules, that song was beautiful." Damien smiled at his friend, dropping a five in the new pile of money. "How the hell did you come up with that?"

Julian frowned and looked down at the music sheet. He hadn't put his name under the artist, he had written _Jaskier_. "It just came to me..." once he finished his drink, Julian put his guitar back in its case along with the music sheets. "Excuse me, I have a long day ahead of me tomorrow."  
  


_"Lambert, I don't want to talk about him, please-"_

_The Witcher held up a hand. "You don't understand, he's been all over, looking for you." His expression hardened. "He asked me and Eskel to contact him if we ever stumbled across you, or if we figured out your whereabouts."_

_Jaskier crossed his arms. "Geralt made it crystal clear that he didn't wan- need me anymore._ _He asked for a blessing to rid of me, and that's what happened. I will_ _respect that." He went over to the door and allowed a woman, who was knocking, to come in, she was to prepare his bath._

_A sigh left Lambert. "You know he's stubborn, it was the heat of the moment, or whatever. The son of a bitch won't shut up about you." He looked down at the floor. "He's not sappy or any shit like that, but Geralt's..._ _he's irritable and gets all mopey when you're mentioned. It's unlike him._

_"Yennefer tried to fill that hole, but it... it didn't work out." Lambert looked up and met the bard's eyes. "He wants you."_   
  


"Jesus Christ..." Julian rubbed his eyes. The microwave clock in front of him read 11:01. He had only been home for twenty minutes before his body decided to crash.

His mind wandered to the new name given in the last dream. Who is Yennefer? What was she trying to do with Geralt-

"Stop, dammit!" Julian shouted, slamming a fist down on his marble counter. "Fucks sake... just leave me alone." He rubbed his eyes again and yawned.

Suddenly, an idea popped in his head, a damn good one too. He was going to see someone tomorrow, someone that may be able to tell him what's going on inside his head.

And maybe, they could tell him how to get rid of it all.


	7. Chapter 7

_The bard chose to believe the Witcher. He didn't want to admit that he too wanted to be with Geralt... he had wanted it throughout the year they had been apart. Of course, he wanted to show that he could be on his own... he was showing himself that he could be on his own._

_Lambert stayed the night in the inn with Jaskier, wanting to show him the way to his friend as soon as possible. It would only be a matter of time before Geralt would begin to kick himself harder for what he did._

_"Umm... if one of us ever found you, we were to contact someone so you and Geralt could... meet as soon as possible," Lambert informed the bard as soon as they left the inn. "And I'll have to ask you to not engage in a fight or whatnot, I really don't want to have to deal with anything like that."_

_Jaskier raised an eyebrow. "Who would you be contacting?" He had an idea, but he hoped it wasn't who he thought it was._

_"I think that's quite obvious, don't you think, Jaskier?" His hopes had betrayed him._

_"Yennefer," Jaskier scowled. This didn't make him happy at all- no, it was her and Geralt's fight that lead to him being pushed away._

_The raven-haired woman rolled her eyes. "Let's just get this over with, shall we?" She had some tolerance for the bard, but after that day on the mountain, it slowly dispersed. "As much as I love having him around,_ _this side isn't quite as fun as his other_ _."_

_Jaskier took note of her jealously. Green was not a good color_ _on_ _her. "Fine by me." The two turned to Lambert._

_The Witcher shook his head. "I'm not going with you guys, I've got some things to take care of." Yennefer nodded. "Good luck with Geralt."_   
  


"So, you've been having dreams of these characters, and you're Jaskier in them?" Julian nodded slowly. "And you're in love with a Witcher, which is a monster hunter, and his name is Geralt?"

Julian shook his head. "No, Jaskier's in love with him. I suppose I just play the part." He paused, trying to think of another way to put it. "I'm an actor in the film of their love, or whatever this is. Do you- do you know what's happening, Donna?"

The woman Julian had chosen to see wasn't exactly a therapist or shrink, she was a bit of both, but also looked at the spiritual side of things. The brunette figured that if he went to her, she could tell him how to get rid of the dreams.

Donna pursed her lips and started to tap her nails against the table next to her. "You may not like the answer I give you, Mr. Pankratz." She paused and stopped tapping. "Would you like the long explanation or a short explanation?"

"Long." Something in her expression told him that the short would be too confusing. "I, uh, don't have much time left though..." he glanced down at his watch. "Could we-"

"Tomorrow then," Donna finished. "I can, however, only do 1:30. Is that alright with you?"

Julian nodded. "Yes, that's fine. Thank you so much, Donna." With that, he left.

"He's in for one hell of a ride," Donna mumbled.

What Julian Pankratz is going through is extremely important and needs to be seen immediately, but there was no stopping him now.

Someone would later do that for him.


	8. Chapter 8

Saturday night is _his_ night. Julian takes songs that he's written, or a song that someone wants to hear, and plays it at the bar Damien owns. He's a big hit and is there every Saturday night.

"Hey, Damien, I'll be there in a few. I've, uh, been somewhere that... I'm a little bit away from the bar." Julian tapped his fingers on the console, watching the people in front of the Uber honk at one another. "And traffic's a bitch."

There was laughter on the other end. " _I don't usually... ask you these things, but... were you with someone?_ " Julian flinched. " _Sorry, I know how sensitive you are about these things, but you've been acting-"_

"God no, Damien, I haven't done anything like that," Julian rubbed his eyes. "I just... I'll tell you over a glass. O-Obviously one." He licked his lips and sighed. "See you soon."

_Sunsets are always beautiful. Orange and pink stretched across the sky while the sun slowly falls down the horizon. It's usually the perfect scenery to meet someone, it's usually something out of a fairy tale..._

_"Well, this would be lovely to write about." Jaskier breathed with a smile, ignoring the witch's eye roll. The bard wasn't ready to meet him- no, sir. He wanted to go straight back through the portal and drown himself in ale._

_But, Yennefer blocked his path. "Alright, Jaskier, go to the inn. I don't know if Geralt's back from killing that pack of ghouls or not. But, the cemetery isn't far so he shouldn't be long." Her upper lip twitched. "Be good to him, will you?"_

_Before the bard could answer, Yennefer left through the same portal they came in. He wanted to tell her yes, he wanted to thank her, but something told him they would be seeing each other soon._

"What're you gonna sing?" Damien slid his friend a glass of ale then propped his elbows up to rest his head on his fists. "That song that you wrote, people had a big hit with that."

Julian shook his head. "Not quote that song, my friend. I've written a new one."

Damien arched a brow. "Have you now? Is it as depressing as the other one you wrote?"

The musician's upper lip twitched, but didn't quite transform into a smile. "Just a tad bit, I suppose. Perspectives and all that." Julian downed the rest of his ale, wiping the lingering liquid off his lips with his sleeve. "Well, off I go."

Yes, the song he was going to sing was quite depressing. 'Her Sweet Kiss' had been sad as well, but it hadn't been his song. The composer was Jaskier, not Julian.

Once he was done setting up, Julian propped himself up on a stool and reached for the microphone, a small grin on his face. As usual, his gesture brought a quick hush to the crowd. "How are you all doing tonight?" The opening question always had the same answer: people raising their glasses with a cheer. "Good, good. So," he began to strum at his guitar. "I hope you all don't mind a change in mood this evening. I wrote a song, and I'd like to share it." The crowd, once again, raised their glasses and cheered. "Great. I'm sure that some of us can relate to the feeling of heartbreak that most likely doesn't exist."

A man in the back raised his hand and shouted: "All the time!" Before being smacked by a woman beside him, to who Julian presumed to be the man's wife. Laughter filled the bar, and it boosted the musician's confidence. People wouldn't have a huge problem with his song, that was great.

"Here we go, then." The song was precisely what Julian said it would be. The words matched the mood... he sang of a lover who had been to Hell and back with him, but it hadn't been real. It was merely a dream, he would wake up in the wrong world with no one by his side. It was a dream that had been so close to reality that once he woke up, chains of heartache and wanting tugged at his heart, slowly breaking it into itty bitty little pieces in the process until there was nothing left.

Damien, who was leaning on the bar, watching his friend, cocked his head and frowned. He had a nagging feeling this is what had been wrong with Julian. Something was eating him alive, and only songs could express such feelings.

When Julian finished the song, he felt some weight lift from his shoulders. The crowd was equally pleased, even if his song changed the atmosphere, they enjoyed every part of it.

One thought crossed the musician's mind as he put away his things: ' _Maybe now that I've let it out, things will go back to normal._ '

But a second thought quickly destroyed the first: ' _No matter what you do or try to do, you can't forget him._

_You'll always come back.'_


	9. Chapter 9

_The bard wasn't ready. After Yennefer left, half his conscious wanted to run away and hide, while the other told him to man-up as much as possible and face the Witcher._

_Jaskier sighed and tapped his thigh while making his way toward the inn. What to say was the question. Yell at Geralt about what he did? Hear the man out? Make him apologize for the pain he caused?_

_"Evening good madam, would you mind telling me which room the Witcher is in?" Jaskier gave the innkeeper his signature smile, hoping that would ease things up._

_The woman pointed at the steps. "Last room on your right, sir. Would you like a room or are you sharing?" Looks like the smile did its job, he didn't need his own room, meaning the Witcher was paying._

_Jaskier shook his head. "No thank you, I'll be sharing with him." He_ _bowed_ _then made his way up the steps. It seemed as if Geralt isn't back yet, which gives the bard plenty of time to think._   
  


"Mr. Pankratz!" Julian gasped and shot his head up. A woman stood in front of him with an annoyed expression on her face. "Donna will see you now."

Oh, he had fallen asleep again. Dreaming about Geralt and Jaskier. He had never fallen asleep so much before, it was such a strange experience. Charlie had nearly chewed his ear off for sleeping on his break, but how was he to help it? Coffee and energy drinks did nothing.

"My apologies, miss." Julian stood up from his seat, ignoring the eye roll the woman had given him.

Sunday, 1:35. He had told his friend, as promised, about his experience and that their usual lunch together would be canceled.  
  


"You're seeing a therapist about dreams that you've been having... because you want to know what's going on." Damien watched his friend flush, it was embarrassing to discuss, at least that's what he assumed. "And... you're Jaskier, who's angry at his lover?"

Julian shook his head. "No, he's not my lover-" he paused. "He's not Jaskier's lover. They're angry at each other."

Damien raised an eyebrow at the hiccup. "Well, based on what you told me, maybe this is reincarnation, and Jaskier's you from... the late 1200s it sounds like." The brunette scowled. "And Geralt- he's your past lover- well, maybe because the two of you are having issues."  
  


"Well, your friend's not wrong." Julian parted his lips in shock. "That's what I was going to tell you, reincarnation. But he clearly beat me to it, congrats." Donna put a hand under her chin and watched her client's face scrunch up.

Either Donna and Damien were crazy, plotting to ruin his life (highly unlikely), or they were both telling the truth...

"I'm not lying to you, Julian Pankratz." Donna sighed and pressed a finger to her temple, she always had clients like this- she should be used to it by now. "What you're seeing, or more of what you're experiencing is real. Something like this- it's not something to deceive with. That'd be cruel."

Julian bit down harshly on his bottom lip. "So... does everyone else have these too? Everyone has been reincarnated?" He hoped- no, he wanted there to be more like him.

"No... not really," Donna shook her head. "You're lucky to get these memories, perhaps something is happening and destiny needs you to remember." She hated that word, it being rare that someone actually had it.

And by the looks of it, poor Julian Pankratz had one. One that was full of trouble and complexity-

He was going to be extremely lucky if none of it drove him insane.


	10. Chapter 10

_Fifteen minutes had passed by since Jaskier entered the inn. His thoughts had pushed him toward talking Geralt's ear off a bit, which was nothing new, then demanding for some sort of apology._

_While he waited, Jaskier plucked at his lute, thinking about writing a new song. It was not going to be about Geralt this time, perhaps something involving two lovers being reunited-_ _-_

_"That still has to do with him," the bard mumbled. The only damned thing on his mind was the Witcher, and it was beginning to annoy him. But they weren't lovers exactly, were they? No, just two friends who had a fight_ _—_

_"Jaskier?" The bard's head snapped up followed by a gasp._

_The Witcher was leaning up against the wall, a small wound was visible on the right side of his stomach. His expression was clouded, but the amber eyes were clear._

_Jaskier's plan to talk Geralt's ear off slowly dispersed and was replaced by helping him. "Gods, Geralt." He hopped off the bed and did his best to steady the Witcher against his body. "Come now, lets clean that wound." On the outside, he was calm and collected, but inside the brunette was freaking out- both at his friend's pain and the fact that this was how they were to meet after all this time. "Stay right where you are, Geralt, and apply pressure, I'll see to it that we can run a bath for you." He handed Geralt a cloth and pressed it to his side, earning a low hiss in response._

_The innkeeper was in an argument when Jaskier reached the bottom of the steps. A tall man with a ginger beard was barking at her, the bard caught 'Witcher' and 'monster'._

_"Oi! Are you not grateful for what Geralt did to those ghouls?!" Jaskier shouted angrily, interrupting the both of them. "If not for him, they'd still be roaming around and killing whatever crosses their paths!" He walked up to the counter and jabbed a finger into the man's chest. "He's not a monster, and he just saved your sorry_ _arse_ _, so deal with him staying here!"_

_The man's eye twitched, but he didn't say anything further. "Tch," he rolled his eyes then left the inn._

_The innkeeper sighed and rubbed her arms. "Thank you, sir. I apologize for my husband's actions, he's just a little tipsy." They both knew that wasn't the case, but Jaskier didn't push it. "Did you need something?"_

_Jaskier nodded. "A hot bath, he's injured." The woman nodded and held up a finger, telling him to give her a moment. "Thank you."_   
  


Monday morning, Julian, unfortunately, had work. When he opened his eyes at his alarm, he was very disappointed at the ending of his 'dream', which was new...

Donna had told him to accept everything, though it may all take a hot minute. If he keeps denying everything, he'll end up driving himself insane.

The word destiny now made Julian uncomfortable. His destiny was to meet someone from his past life, which is a tad strange, or else he would, once again, drive himself insane. The consequences became crystal clear.

"You're... early." Charlie raised an eyebrow at his employee. "We don't open for another twenty minutes." Julian only shrugged in response, he knew if he stayed in bed any later, he most likely wouldn't show up to work at all. "Is everything alright?"

 _'Well my entire life is now based on something that happened over 700 years ago, and now it's my destiny to find all of the pieces.'_ "Of course," Julian smiled. "I just didn't want to get out of bed this morning." That was half the truth.

His boss only nodded. His employees' personal life was theirs, he would only listen if they wanted to share. Though Julian was usually talking about everything that's happened, whatever's going on is to not be shared.

While waiting for everyone else to arrive, Julian decided to take a seat at one of the tables and scroll through Instagram. Maybe he would find Geralt there.

But destiny decided against it, his 89% iPhone battery immediately fell to 5%. Julian looked at the red bar with wide eyes and quickly exited the app.

"Son of a bitch." Julian rubbed his eyes, this was going to take a while.


	11. Chapter 11

_Thank the gods the innkeeper was quick. The bath Jaskier requested was ready in a span of ten minutes, she was thankful for Geralt so she wanted to move as quickly as possible._

_"Thank you again, Witcher." She nodded at the two, then scurried out of the room._

_Jaskier took in a deep breath, looking back at the Witcher. "I'm going to need you to stay still while I undress you okay?" He didn't want the other man to move too much._

_Both stayed silent while the brunette worked. There were a few grunts and hisses, but other than that, the room was quiet._

_"Ready?" Jaskier wrapped his arm under Geralt's armpit, the question had really been rhetorical. The Witcher let out a pained grunt when Jaskier lifted him off the bed and carried him to the tub. "You can get in slow or fast, whichever floats your boat."_

_Geralt furrowed his eyebrow and pressed his lips into a thin line. He wanted to say something, he wanted to apologize, but it wasn't the right time._

_While the silver-haired man lowered himself into the tub, Jaskier went back into the room to collect some lavender and soap. He was hoping that he could then think of something to say as well._

_A shaky sigh left the brunette's chapped lips. "Right then, Geralt. Let's get you cleaned up."_   
  


"Pankratz, your break is over, let's go!" Charlie threw a plastic spoon at his employee, quickly waking the man up.

Julian mumbled a series of curses under his breath. He felt like an individual reading a story online that's ongoing, he has to wait until the next chapter is posted before reading further.

A mother and a little girl were waiting at his register. Julian recognizes the young girl as Cirilla, and the other woman...

' _Yennefer_ ,' Julian wet his lips and closed his eyes for a moment. He couldn't say anything, he had to hold it in, and he didn't want to say something and be wrong in the end. "What can I get you two?"

The raven-haired woman gave the brunette a strange look. She had noticed his hesitation. "Large straight black for me. Cirilla, what do you want?"

Cirilla puffed her cheeks and stood on her toes to see the menu. "A small hot cocoa and a birthday cake pop!" Her bright green eyes showed excitement as if the pastry was something that could lift anyone's spirits.

Julian smiled and started to prepare the cups. "Anything else?" Cirilla had sparked his mood somehow, there wasn't any explanation for it.

The woman nodded. "My friend said he wants it to be a surprise, what would you recommend?" There was a twinkle in her eye, but Julian couldn't put a finger on why it was there.

"Well... I'm not good at recommending, but my favorite is a bicerin." Julian pointed at the name and price on the chalkboard above him. "There's espresso on the bottom, mixed with black chocolate and white chocolate, then topped with whipped cream. It's a very sweet drink."

"I'll have that then, another large, please." Julian nodded and prepared the next cup. "Yennefer for the name." A small smirk played onto her lips as if she knew all about it. The barista had a feeling she did.

"$12.68," Julian mumbled after putting the numbers in. He hated being right, as much as he wanted this to be real. Attacking Yennefer with questions didn't sound like the right thing to do. "Your coffee will be ready in a few."

While the two left the counter, Julian's mind wandered to the 'friend' she was referring to. A small voice in the back of his head told him not to push or worry about it, while the other continuously pushed that she may have been referring to Geralt.


	12. Chapter 12

_Nothing had really changed when it came to bathing Geralt. He still grunted when the water poured over his head, and he definitely scrunched up his nose at the smell of lavender._

_"Thank you," Geralt said lowly. He had so much more to say, but talking had never really been his style. "For... this."_

_Jaskier hummed and crouched down to clean his shoulders off with a cloth. "Do you have anything else you wish to say to me?" The cloth's movement slowed as the brunette waited. He had decided to hear Geralt out first before talking his ear off._

_"Jaskier-" his jaw clenched and his eyes closed. "I'm sorry. I-I wasn't angry at you, I just- I didn't know what to do, or how-" Geralt let out a frustrated sigh. "You were there, and I needed something to express my anger onto. I didn't mean a word I said."_

_The brunette nodded and licked his lips. "I just happened to be in your way, then?" He ignored the Witcher's flinch and stood up to find the grounded lavender. "You could've done anything else to express your anger, but you took it out on me." He promised himself he wouldn't cry, but he could feel the tears threatening to fall._

_"I was just a tool to be used, then? Is that it?" Jaskier massaged Geralt's scalp roughly, his emotions were starting to get the best of him. "You could've walked off to breath, you could've gone to kill a monster, you could've done anything else, but you chose me." He choked out a laugh and allowed his hands to fall. "And after a year, a fucking year, you come to me_ _, no—_ _you have others look for me because you want me?_

_"Life gave you that blessing, Geralt! I was out of your hands- a huge weight off your shoulders- and now you want me back?" Jaskier scoffed. "You broke me, Geralt! I spent the first two months away from you begging myself to go back- but did I? No!_

_"People asked about you every time I played at an inn. 'Where's the Witcher?' 'Do you two not travel together anymore?' 'Play the song about the Witcher!'" The bard stood up and began to pace angrily. "Everywhere I went- you were there! Questions, comments, songs- all about you! All I was to them was your bard! Very few towns didn't push, because all they cared about was music. You-"_

_"The song you've been singing, 'Her Sweet Kiss', it's about me, isn't it?" Geralt interrupted quietly. He was tired of hearing how much pain he caused the bard._

_Jaskier wagged his finger. "You don't get to change the subject, Geralt." He shook his head. "No, no, no, no, no, no, no- we're-"_

_"I PUSH AWAY THINGS I CARE ABOUT, JASKIER!" Geralt shouted, whipping his head to face Jaskier. His brows were furrowed in anger, and his lips were pointed downward- they equally expressed his anger. "You tried to be there- you showed that you cared- I didn't know how to respond to any of it, so I took it out on you, okay?!_ _It wasn't a blessing- it turned to be a curse!_ _"_

_For once in his life, Jaskier was speechless. The Witcher, the famous Geralt of Rivia cared for him- A bard of all people._

_"You... you... care?" Jaskier could only put out those words. He couldn't face the man now- no, his eyes were glued to the wall. How could he after something like that?_

_Geralt sighed and put a hand to his forehead. "It's more than that." He wasn't ready to say this- but if he didn't do anything now, a feeling in his gut told him he would never get the chance. "I..." he took in a deep breath. "I love you, Jaskier." It sounded strange coming out of his mouth, but there was no turning back now._

_Love. The bard turned around with parted lips, shocked at the Witcher's words. "You- no, you can't love me. You've- You've never shown me love- not even close to it."_

_Geralt stood up from the tub, ignoring the complaints from his wound. The bard stood still where he was and watched him walk closer._

_"Then let me show you."_   
  


Julian shot of his bed with a gasp and reached for his night lamp's string.

When light filled the room, he desperately looked around for the Witcher- or even the smallest sign that he had been in the room.

"Oh god," he rested his head in his hands. An empty feeling tugged in his stomach as a single tear trailed down his cheek.

His past self had gotten what he wanted, Geralt of Rivia in his hands once again. They were together, lovers at last.

But he's still alone, the only part of him with Geralt was his dreams. And those weren't even his! All they were to him-

Was his dreams of memories.


	13. Chapter 13

Seeing Donna at 1:30 now happened every other Sunday. He begged to see her just in case something huge happened- that night's 'dream' is one of them.

"You and Geralt finally made up then," Donna watched the brunette nod slowly. As clique or fictional as it sounded, his chest hurt a lot like it was missing something. "It's affecting you, isn't it?"

Julian nodded again. "I feel empty... it's so... it hurts, Donna." The blonde woman nodded. "Why do I feel this way? If I think about any of it, my chest starts to hurt- I worried the shit out of my friend Damien when I cried while telling him about the origin of one of the songs my past self wrote."

Destiny is a bitch. That's something that Donna always told those who had this problem, which she admitted was rare, but she had a feeling that it didn't matter to Julian. All that mattered was the pain in his chest going away.

"Have you seen Geralt anywhere besides your dreams?" Donna asked, taking a sip of her green tea. "Passing by, ordering at the café... anything?"

The brunette shook his head. "I don't think so, I maybe saw the top of his head, but that's it. I don't know anything about him now- or where he goes for that matter." He paused. "But I've seen other people from my dreams if that matters at all."

Donna leaned forward with a raised eyebrow. "You've seen others from your memories?" Julian nodded. "Oh, you should've told me this earlier, we could've dealt with it..." she closed her eyes and sighed. "Name who you've seen, and who they were."

"Lambert was first," Julian recalled meeting the Witcher. "He ordered some coffee where I work, he's a Witcher, like Geralt. They're basically brothers.

"Then I met Cirilla, who's Geralt and Yennefer's daughter. She sold me some Girl Scout cookies... they were good.

"I met Yennefer a couple of days ago, she came to the café with Cirilla for coffee. The woman is a sorceress, my past self called her a witch." Julian wet his lips and looked to the ground. "But I haven't met him yet..." the disappointment and hurt in his tone was clear.

Donna set her tea on the table next to her. "Julian, it seems this has all leaned towards fate as well," the brunette frowned. "Or something like that-" she leaned forward. "Your case is... it's confusing. I'm just trying to understand most of it, but you're not giving me much."

Julian furrowed his brows. "In my thirty years of living, I've never been apart of something like this." **_(I know he's not thirty)_** "I'm telling you everything I come across, Donna. My memories, and now my interactions. I'm not the type to keep things from others unless I have a damn good reason to. And this," he gestured to his head. "All of this memory shit- you're going to hear all of it, I'm telling you all I can. So everything I've told you so far- it's all I know!"

With that final breath, Julian stood up and collected his hoodie, which he had taken off at the door. "I'll see you in two weeks, Donna."

_Jaskier groaned in pain when something shifted beside him, or more of someone. He opened his eyes, meeting a pale, scarred backside._

_It took him a moment to realize who was in bed with him. The events of the night before flashed through his head._

_Geralt kissing him roughly, his clothes falling to the floor beside the bed, nibbles, and bites on his neck and shoulders, moments where he in a way controlled the Witcher._

_"Quiet, Jaskier," Geralt grumbled. "Your thinking is nearly as loud as your talking."_

_The bard attempted to sit up but only groaned again. "You've permanently damaged my shoulders, you brute." His tone was joking, but serious at the same time. "Why are you so rough?"_

_Geralt shifted in the bed, now facing Jaskier. "It's not my fault that your body is fragile, Jaskier." His upper lip twitches when he scans the bard's body. "And I've made my mark, that's what matters." At that, he slowly got out of the bed, careful not to touch the other. He immediately made his way to the extra clothes he had._

_"'Made your mark'?" Jaskier echoed, confused. "What do you- Geralt, where are you going?" He hissed in pain as he propped his elbows up, trying to sit up as straight as he could. "Geralt?"_

_The Witcher sighed. "Do you want breakfast or not? It's clear that you... can't get up on your own." A small smirk played onto his lips when he saw the bard make a shocked face. "I'll be back. Stay where you are, I don't want to have to haul you back up on the bed."_

_Jaskier huffed and crossed his arms, wincing afterward. He was going to have these bruises for quite some time._


	14. Chapter 14

The memories had started to become disappointing. Julian felt like he was there, which he was in a way, and when he woke up- disappointment came because the Witcher wasn't by his side.

His friends and employees had quickly noticed the change in his attitude. He was irritable, tired, and more sarcastic than ever. Damien had been quite shocked when someone else filled the musician's spot on Saturday. All his best friend did was come to drink, then leave right after.

"A whiskey, please." Julian slid into his usual stool and folded his arms.

Damien sighed and went straight to the Jack Daniel's bottle. He knew his friend wasn't that into the drink, so for him to ask for it- something was wrong. "What's been going on, Jules?"

The musician shrugged. "Life, just like always." Another hint something was wrong: he would tell Damien everything.

"Alright." Damien slammed the bottle down and glared. "Listen here, Julian Alfred Pankratz, you will tell me what's been going on or there will be no more alcohol coming your way." He knew at times like these his friend would drown himself in alcohol, so threatening it was his only chance.

Julian flinched, knowing that the only way he was getting out of this conversation- was leaving the bar- and he wasn't going to leave- no, he was everything but a coward and late.

"It's this whole reincarnation thing, Damien." The bartender nodded and poured the whiskey into a glass. "Donna, the woman I'm seeing to help me get through this, says that everything happening to me is my destiny. Which sounds like a load of bullshit, but it's not.

"And I had a dream the other night- a wonderful dream where my past self, Jaskier, finally made amends with Geralt. They had sex with one another, and when I woke up- I was alone." Julian paused to take a sip of his drink.

"It hurt to wake up on my own, Damien. I want to wake up next to him. I want to run my fingers through his silver locks- and maybe braid it when he's not looking. I want to kiss his lips until I can't anymore!" He stopped when he realized he was crying. "I-I _want him_ , Damien. I want Geralt. Not in the 1200s, not in my dreams, I want him with me _now_."

Damien sighed. He didn't quite know how to answer what his friend just told him. It was so much information in such a short amount of time. All he caught was that destiny is ruining his best friend- who's on the point of breaking, and this Geralt is wreaking it further.

"Okay, Julian I'm gonna need you to do me a favor." The brunette raised his eyebrows. "I need you to tell me every single detail about this _Geralt_ , and I'll send his features to everyone I know, and they'll tell me when they see him, okay?"

Some would say that his offer was pushed too far, to basically stalk one person just for the sake of another- but Damien didn't see it that way at all.

Geralt was slowly pushing Julian toward breaking point without even knowing it, and Damien would be damned if he wasn't going to do anything to prevent that from happening.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: REALLY INTENSE HOMOPHOBIA

_It was bound to happen sooner or later. They should've known better_ _._ _He should've known better._

_Jaskier was quite shocked when the dagger pierced his chest. His reaction was crystal clear too._

_A contract started it. A very simple contract: hunt down the werewolf and collect the coin. Too simple._

_The contract didn't take long either. Geralt was only gone for a mere twenty minutes- but that was a long enough time for his bard to get into some trouble. It was long enough for anyone to get into trouble._

_The innkeeper has noticed the love bites on Jaskier's neck. He smiled and decided to ask about it, about how rough the woman must be in bed._

_"O-Oh... yes I suppose he- she's quite rough," Jaskier_ _replied_ _, hoping the innkeeper would look past his little hiccup._ _He was usually careful with pronouns, just in case someone didn't think too kindly of men bedding men._

_But, Jaskier_ _should've known better than to get his hopes up._

_Next thing he knew,_ _the bard_ _was running for his dear life. To have someone who loved the same sex to waltz into their perfect little town- no. They even thought that murder wouldn't be too far at all, it was the perfect way to get rid of the monster Jaskier was._

_It was a wonderful throw, from the villager's point at least. The innkeeper's son removed the dagger from his side and aimed for the heart. He received pats on the back for his achievement, their town was perfect once more._

_Jaskier didn't want to go yet. He wanted to do so many things- he had so many things to do in his life! And Geralt wasn't beside him..._

_"Don't do anything, Geralt..." Jaskier's chest rose and fell at a strange pace. "People respond_   
_d-differently to things t-they don't understand." He managed a weak smile, then turned to look at the stars. "I'll see you in the next life, Geralt. Don't forget me..."_   
  


"NO!" Julian cried out and opened his eyes, his hands went straight to his chest where Jaskier had been pierced. "Fuck..." It hurt so _bad._ Why did it hurt?

The door to his room opened, revealing a tired-looking Damien. "Jules, are you-" his mouth parted and his eyes widened. "Julian..."

Damien hurried over to the bedside and grabbed his friend's shaky hands. "Dammit, Julian, stop." He watched tears stream down his cheeks like he was in pain. "What's wrong?"

"M-My chest-" Julian breathed and took his hands back, quickly pulling off the light blue tee he was wearing. "It fucking hurts... I c-can't—" He stopping talking in order to catch his breath, crying and searching for unneeded air wasn't doing him any good.

"Holy shit." Damien reached his fingers to the brunette's chest, brushing over a faded scar.

Next to Julian's heart was a scar that hadn't been there before. A scar in the shape of a knife wound.


	16. Chapter 16

After that memory, Julian's sleep came without dreams. Not just his memories- but his nights were now dreamless, he would only see pitch black after closing his eyes. And without anything to go after involving Geralt or his past self, his condition grew worse.

Large bags were seen under his eyes, anyone would be able to tell how much sleep he's gotten if they looked close enough. His usual sparkling azure eyes were dull and lacked evidence of any emotions that leaned towards happiness. Then there was his mouth, it was always pointed downward and only moved if it needed to be. Julian Pankratz was broken.

Donna had no clue what to do about it. Thinking about, and even mentioning Geralt hurt the brunette, their sessions had become pointless.

So far, Damien's plan of finding Geralt through others wasn't working too well. New York City is huge, and finding one specific individual would take forever. And to find someone with rare features too, people could be dressed up or have fake contacts for all they know! But he refused to give up and instead encouraged his other friends to continue looking. It hurt him more than anything to see Julian in such a state.

His boss at the café, Charlie, noticed Julian's state very quickly. The thirty-year-old was his happiest employee on the job, always smiling and humming songs to please some of the customers. So, on the third day that he saw Julian working that way, Charlie told him to take a vacation.

"You're one of the hardest-working employees I have. Take your time to find your bearings, as long as you need. Take a trip to the coast, get some air." Charlie had told him over the phone so others didn't hear all the things said. "Mike sends his love, hoping that you feel better."

That's all he received while he took the vacation: "Hope you feel better." "Get well soon!" It started to bother him after a short while. Hearing the same thing over and over. He wasn't sick...

For the sake of his friend, Damien started to stay at Julian's apartment- to make sure he ate and bathed, something that didn't happen in times like this.

"What're you doing, Jules?" The brunette was sitting at a desk with a pen in his hand, which was moving at a crazy speed.

Julian lifted his head and moved away from the paper. "Some song that Jaskier sang back then, something about him..."

Damien sighed and pulled a chair next to his friend. "What's the song called?" He knew that he wasn't supposed to engage, but sometimes talking about it helped.

"'Toss A Coin To Your Witcher'," Julian pushed the sheet of paper to his friend. "He would sing it at taverns to get some coin for them. Good song."

The writing on the sheet was messy, along with wet drops spreading and blurring some of the words. But the words could be made out either way.

 ** _DING_**! Damien pulled out his phone. "Holy shit." Julian lifted his head and turned to look at the iPhone. "One of my friends spotted him."

"Where?" The brunette asked eagerly.

_"At your café."_


	17. Chapter 17

"You sure it's him though?" Julian asked while getting dressed. His mood had lifted a little, they were going to the café to see if they could catch 'Geralt'.

Damien shrugged. "Sean was pretty clear about the amber eyes, Jules. He said it scared the shit outta him."

The brunette scowled. Even in the modern world people were scared. "Yeah, let's hurry up before we lose him."

-

A Tuesday afternoon, the streets weren't totally jam-packed, so there was enough time to get there.

"Line's a little long, so he'll be in there for a little bit." Damien watched his friend tap his fingers anxiously on his leg. "Hey, you gonna be alright, Jules?"

The brunette shakily sighed. "I-I honestly don't know, Damien." They were standing outside the coffee shop due to the line being backed up to the door. "Seriously, if your friend's wrong, I might kill him."

All Damien could do was laugh at his statement, which after two weeks, brought a smile to his lips.

"What're you gonna order, Jules?" People started to stare at them, some caught the words 'kill him' and edged away, thinking that it wasn't much of a joke. "I don't know about you, but I'm digging a mocha."

Julian moved forward and opened the door, the line was short enough. "My usual, Damien, a bicerin." He stood up on his toes and tried to look for silver hair or amber eyes. The place was crowded.

"Julian?" A raspy voice called from the other side of the café. Charlie. "The hell you doing here? Does the word 'vacation' not mean anything to you?"

The brunette shook his head. "I'm feeling a little better, my friend just wanted some coffee." He patted Damien's back. "Ran out of vanilla coffee beans at home, and he's lazy."

Charlie rolled his eyes. "Sure, keep your secrets, Julian." The older man looked behind them, small bits of hope in his green eyes. "You seen Mike? He says he's coming home today, and that he'll visit me at work."

Julian shook his head. "Sorry, I haven't seen your husband since he left for Afghanistan five months ago." He patted his back. "Have you seen a man with silver hair and amber eyes come in here?"

"Yeah, I'd never forget a customer like that." A small chuckle left his mouth. "He scared the shit outta Jonathan, he growled his order to the boy. I've never seen him like that, I had to hold in my laughter!"

"Is he still here?" Desperation leaked the brunette's tone, but the boss ignored it.

"Coffee for Geralt!" Jonathan called from the counter.

The silver hair was clear at this point, as was his entire figure. And it didn't help any that he turned around and looked straight at Julian.


	18. Chapter 18

Time seemed to stop. Conversations around the two faded as they stared at one another.

Julian could see the pain in his eyes, the expression on his face was hard and clouded. A feeling deep inside him said that he was trying to hide it all- but the pain could not be hidden from him. No- he had seen and felt too much of it.

"Damien, stay in line." The brunette watched the silver-haired man take his coffee and make his way over to the door- there was only one way out. Damien watched his friend wiggle his way out of the line and over towards the man. He mumbled a series of apologies to the people he cut through that had just decided to arrive. Perfect timing.

The man left the café first, he had pushed through the people without a 'sorry' or 'excuse me'. A part of Julian thought that he would at least stop and talk to him.

"Excuse me!" Julian called out, trying to keep up with the man's pace. "Please, I just need to talk to you!" People passed by him with confused expressions, one even scowled and cursed for being loud.

But how to get his attention? At this point, the man was making his way into a crowd. If he truly is Geralt, why is he running away? Oh. That's it.

"GERALT- YOU DAMN BRUTE, STOP RUNNING FROM ME!" Julian shouted, ignoring the dirty looks he received from the people around him- a woman covered her child's ears and kicked the brunette's shoe. But that stopped him, he stopped. "Just... just let me talk to you!"

Soon enough, people were stopping to stare at the scene. One man screaming at another in the middle of the street- it was bound to catch others' attention.

The man's jaw clenched, the crowd was annoying him. He glared at the people around him as he made his way toward Julian, that got them to move out of the way. He grabbed Julian's hoodie collar and dragged him towards an alley, away from others. "Can I help you?"

Julian gave him a look, that question didn't need to be asked. "You sure can, Geralt." He wanted to say everything on his mind: the pain of dreams, the scar on his chest, where he's been for the past 700 plus years. "Do you know... do you know who I am?"

"Most likely a figment of my imagination," Geralt growled. His tone sounded as if he was in pain like this had happened before. "Another trick from Yennefer."

A pang of disappointment hit Julian's heart. "What can I do to prove to you that I'm him?" Geralt flinched but stood his ground.

The silver-haired man thought for a moment. There were so many things he could do, but that wouldn't prove anything. Yennefer knew most of the actions the brunette did, none would really work.

"Why did they kill you?" He adjusted his grip so that Julian wouldn't move an inch. "I was gone for twenty minutes- then they told me you- _he_ had killed himself over something."

Julian licked his lips, not wanting to recall his last memory, but Geralt needed to know that it was him- because he had a feeling that the Witcher didn't know the full story either.

"I was talking to the innkeeper after performing. My neck was covered in hickeys that you had left a few days earlier- he asked about the woman that was rough with me. I slipped out the word 'he'...

"The town was homophobic or some shit like that. I was being chased into the woods, I was surprised that you didn't hear anything happening.

"A boy threw a dagger at me, which at pierced my chest..." Geralt's grip had loosened, so Julian was able to lift his hoodie and shirt up, showing the scar that the wound had left. "I told the stars I'd meet you in the next life, and it looks like they didn't tell you in some way."

Tears had started to fall from Geralt's amber eyes. He didn't know the full story- and he sure as hell hadn't believed the suicide part. He also knew that such a story wouldn't come from the witch- she wasn't that creative.

"I'm s-so sorry, J-Jaskier," Geralt cupped the brunette's cheeks and brushed his thumb across them. "I-If I had been there-"

Julian shook his head and let out a small laugh, starting to cry on his own. "Don't do that to yourself, it wasn't your fault." The words didn't feel like his own, they were Jaskier's-- not his. "You're here with me now, and that's what matters." Those words were both of theirs. Julian had wanted him so bad, and Jaskier had been waiting for hundreds of years to see him. "I'm here, and you're here. That's what matters."


	19. Chapter 19

Donna was surprised when Julian walked into her office with another man beside him. But the emotion quickly faded when she was able to look over his features. The silver hair, the glowing amber eyes, and the way he stood as close as possible to Julian.

"Ah, you must be Geralt." Donna gave him a sweet smile and gestured for them to take a seat on the couch. "I suppose we have much to discuss, Mister Pankratz, don't we?"

The story of them coming back to together was quick: Julian saw him at the coffee shop, he chased after him, then proved that he was his Jaskier.

"So Miss Yennefer doesn't really approve of you, Julian, does she?" The question was leaning towards Geralt more than the brunette. She figured that Julian didn't know all the answers.

Geralt grunted and rolled his eyes. "Yennefer never really liked the idea of Jask- Julian and me together." It had been a week, and he was still getting used to calling the brunette by his new name. "She's a jealous character on this before I loved him- I loved her in a way. Now we're just acquaintances. We have a daughter, so she's keeping us talking."

The blonde woman nodded. "It seems fate has brought you two together, and whatever destiny has planned for you two is either over, or on pause." She smiled and clapped her hands together. "Other than that, it looks like you don't need me anymore, Julian. I'll tell you that you're my most interesting client in quite some time, and I thank you for coming to me.

"And Geralt," she turned to the silver-haired man and smiled wider. "If you hadn't found Julian any sooner, I assure you he wouldn't be here at the moment. I'm glad you found one another."

"Hmm," Geralt nodded his head in thanks. He felt the exact same way.

Julian stood up and took Geralt's band in his, knowing that it was about time they left. "I cannot thank you enough, Donna. You've-" Geralt squeezed his hand, meaning 'shut up or we'll be here for hours'. "We'll be off now."

-

"So you've been seeing her for about two months?" Geralt asked as they walked down the street. Julian hummed a 'yes'. "That... I'm sorry for-"

The brunette kicked Geralt's shin. "Stop apologizing, what's done is done. I cannot stress enough on that." He sighed and ran his free hand through his hair. "I swear, if you keep doing that, the stress is going to get to my head and I'll have hair like yours before you know it."

Geralt snorted and chuckled. "You? Grey hair? That's an ugly thought." His eyes twinkled with humor when Julian gasped.

"Are you saying that I'm ugly?" He put his hand to his chest and scoffed in offense. "Quite rude of you to say that to your boyfriend." Geralt closed his eyes and let out a 'hmm'. "Tell me I'm pretty."

"Pretty fucking annoying is what you are," the Witcher responded with a laugh. He loved the little conversations like this that they had, this is the kind of stuff he missed throughout the years. "And I caught a word that we haven't discussed yet." Julian's face quickly turned red. "We're boyfriends now, are we? If I would've known this I wouldn't have insulted your hair."

They both knew he would have anyway, but that wasn't the discussion on the table. "I-I just thought that it was o-obvious in a way- I'm sorry I should've-"

Geralt let go of Julian's hand and grabbed his chin, forcing him into a kiss. It quickly shut the brunette up, as he moved his arms around the other's neck while Geralt moved his hands to Julian's waist. They both ignored the stares from the people around them, people kissed on the sidewalk all the time, what was wrong with them doing it too?

"God, if I knew that would shut you up I would've done it as soon as we left Donna." Geralt grinned when they pulled away from each other. The brunette rolled his eyes and stepped away from him, taking his hand back. "I love your voice, Julian, but sometimes silence is nice."

And after that, there was silence. Hand in hand, arms swinging back and forth, Geralt and Julian walked the streets of New York, not knowing exactly where they were going- but what matters between them was that they were together. And that's everything they need.


	20. Chapter 20

_Two Years Later..._

"Are you absolutely sure this tie is straight, Damien? A-And my hair, I mean I may have put too much gel in it- but does it look bad? I'm worried that he won't like it so I need-" he yelped when a hand met the back of his head. "Ow! What the fuck?"

Damien rolled his stormy grey eyes and moved his hands to fix his friend's tie, again. "Well, I think your hair looks nice- and you did sort of put too much gel in it." The brunette sighed and moved his fingers to brush his bangs to the side. "I understand you're stressed, hell I'd be too, but you need to take a moment and breath. I'm not letting you walk down the sand with panic written across your face."

Roughly a year ago, Geralt took Julian to the beach, it was a work vacation for both of them. The NYPD forced the vacation on the Witcher, Geralt not being the type of man to just simply take a break. It was all quite convenient for him anyway- the perfect time to propose.

The proposal wasn't like any other person would witness. Geralt got on one knee, said Julian's full name, then asked for his hand. The surprising part about it was that he was asking _Julian_ , not _Jaskier_. It seemed to be a big step, due to the fact that he was going to do it back in the day but lost his chance. Either way, the brunette cried and said 'yes'.

Quiet snapping stopped Julian from shooting his friend a snarky remark. Charlie stood at the entrance to the tent with a toothy smile on his face. "It's time, everyone's waiting for you." He was just as excited as the couple, the brunette had always been like a brother to him.

Julian wet his lips then brushed his suit down, running his fingers through his hair afterward. He wasn't quite sure that he himself was ready, but that didn't matter.

The place they wanted to get married at was Long Island Beach, where Geralt had proposed. Both men prepared themselves for the event in separate tents with their best men, along with groomsmen for Geralt.

The timing of it all seemed too perfect. When Julian began his journey to the altar, he couldn't help but awe at the scenery.

Pink and orange mingled with clouds in the sky while the sun set. It created an image, a beautiful image that one would see in a professional photo, or in a painting done by one of the greats.

Geralt stood at the altar next to Lambert and Eskel. His arms were folded downward, and a smile of pure delight rested on his lips. The three wore their NYPD uniforms, Vesemir had told them to for the public of it all- after all, he is, in fact, their superior. The only thing Geralt got to chose was the colors of anyone who wasn't an officer's suits, black had been chosen.

So that left Julian to wear a suit of his own. His suit was black and sharp, anyone could see from far away that the suit had been expensive. In the small pocket of the jacket, a yellow buttercup stuck out, bringing even the smallest bit of color out. It made him glad that he wasn't in the police force, uniforms like that weren't his style- but they were definitely Geralt's.

Vesemir was in the place of the priest, he wanted to do it and no one in their right mind stopped him. "We are gathered here, not to witness the beginning of what will be, but rather what already is. We do not create this marriage, because marriage is created in the hearts of two loving people. We can and do, however, gather to celebrate with Julian Pankratz and Geralt Rivia the wondrous and joyful occurrence that has already taken place in their lives, and the commitment they make today..."

"You look handsome," Julian whispered with a smile, looking the other man up and down. "The police outfit's... well..." he couldn't quite finish that sentence at the moment.

Geralt grinned. "Not too bad yourself, Julian." He followed his lover's eyes, meeting them halfway, right at the belt. "Behave, will you? This is a wedding and might I add that Ciri is in the front row?" His tone was serious, but the humor in his eyes couldn't be missed.

"Ultimately there comes a moment when a decision must be made. Two people who love each other must ask themselves how much they hope for as their love grows and deepens, and how much risk they are willing to take. The commitment may well be a fearful gamble. Because it is the nature of love to create, a marriage itself is something which has to be created, the natural consequence of a love so strong, such that as we come together in marriage, we become a new creature - the two becoming one within." Vesemir continued, shooting a small glare to the other Witcher, a signal to shut up and to hold hands. The two grooms obliged.

Vesemir turned Julian first. "Do you, Julian, choose Geralt to be your partner in life, to support and respect him in his successes and as well his failures, to care for him in sickness and in health, to nurture him, and to grow with him throughout the seasons of your life together?" The usual 'until death do you part' seemed extreme after the circumstances of Jaskier's death.

Julian sniffed, he felt tears threatening to fall, but he kept them at bay. "I pledge to you endless strength that you can count on when you are weak. I'll be your music when you can't hear, your sunshine when you can't see, or your perfume when you can't smell. You'll never need to look further than me. I'll be your days and nights when you need them filled, your spark of life in the darkness, your hope when you're down and out." A single tear fell from his cheek when he finished, he had written that himself.

Vesemir nodded then turned to Geralt. "And do you, Geralt, choose Julian to be your partner in life, to support and respect him in his successes and as well his failures, to care for him in sickness and in health, to nurture him, and to grow with him throughout the seasons of your life together?"

The Witcher's smile grew soft. "I, Geralt Rivia, promise you, Julian Pankratz, that I will be your husband from this day forward, to be faithful and honest in every way, to honor the faith and trust you place in me, to love and respect you in your successes and in your failures, to make you laugh and to be there when you cry, to care for you in sickness and in health, to softly kiss you when you are hurting, and to be your companion and your friend, on this journey that we make together." He had put together small bits of his time with Jaskier in it, to honor that part of Julian.

"Cirilla, if you will come forward with the rings." The ten-year-old grinned and stood up from her seat, carrying a tiny baby blue pillow in her hand. She begged and begged to help out that way, and decorate the beach with buttercups. "Thank you, my dear." After giving the two grooms the rings, she tugged at on her father's sleeve and kissed his cheek before running off to sit with her mother. "The two will now exchange rings."

Geralt took Julian's free hand and slowly pushed the ring through his ring finger. "Through this ring, I accept you as my husband, now and for all time." He let go so Julian could do the same.

"I give you this ring, a symbol of my love, as I give to you, all that I am, and accept from you, all that you are." Julian's voice had started to break, his emotions were freaking out at all that was taking place. He didn't know if he could hold it all in much longer.

The best man and groomsmen for Geralt smiled at the two, knowing that this had been needed for quite some time.

"Right then," Vesemir cleared his throat, seeing that the two were getting extremely emotional and antsy. "By the power invested in me, I hereby pronounce you husband and husband. You may now kiss the groo-"

Geralt had already grabbed the brunette's hips and pulled him towards his body. Their lips met quite roughly, but the message that was in between them was clear.

The cheering, hoots, and whistles were drowned out as their lips moved in sync. Even the clearing of Vesemir's throat was ignored.

"I love you, Geralt." Julian breathed once they separated. "I love you so fucking much."

The Witcher pressed his forehead against his new husband's. "And I, you, Julian Alfred Rivia."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Was that good? I've never written a wedding scene before- I had to look up most of it. Anyway... this is the end! Thank you for reading!)


End file.
